Becoming a parent, especially for the first time, can be a whirlwind of emotions, often dominated by anxiety and a sense of being overwhelmed. Suddenly, you are responsible for nurturing a tiny human being, guiding their physical, intellectual, social, and spiritual development. It’s a monumental task, and it’s natural to feel unsure about where to even begin. Many new parents seek advice, searching for that one golden nugget of wisdom that can illuminate the path ahead. If you were asked, “What’s the most important thing I need to know as a parent?” what would you say? While practical tips about diaper changes or managing sibling squabbles are undoubtedly helpful, the most profound piece of advice often lies in a simple yet powerful truth: children Learned It By Watching You.
Recently, a soon-to-be father approached me with this very question, seeking guidance as he stood on the precipice of parenthood. He was eager to absorb any crucial insights that could prepare him for this life-altering journey. After considering the myriad aspects of raising a child, from the mundane to the monumental, one core principle resonated above all else: history repeats itself. This isn’t about grand historical events, but the intimate, personal history that unfolds within a family. Essentially, who you are as a person significantly shapes who your children will become. To put it simply, and in a way that’s universally understood: monkey see, monkey do. This timeless adage encapsulates the essence of how children learn and develop, and it’s a cornerstone of effective parenting. History, indeed, repeats itself, especially in the lives of our children, because they learned it by watching you.
This crucial lesson is powerfully illustrated in the biblical narrative of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22. God presents Abraham with an unimaginable test of faith, commanding him to sacrifice his beloved son, Isaac. Abraham, despite the immense pain and anguish this request must have caused, chose to obey God’s will. He prepared to ascend Mount Moriah and offer Isaac as a burnt offering.
“Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” 2Then He said, “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” 3So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son…”
This passage raises a compelling question: why did Isaac willingly accompany his father? Why did he accept such a daunting fate? Abraham was an elderly man, well over 100 years old at this point. Isaac, in contrast, was a young man in his physical prime. He possessed the strength to overpower his aging father, or at the very least, to flee. Escape was a viable option, yet he chose not to take it. He consented to be bound to the altar, prepared for sacrifice.
The answer, though profound, is remarkably straightforward: Isaac learned obedience from his father’s example. It wasn’t through lectures or sermons, but through the silent, powerful language of his father’s actions. By observing Abraham’s unwavering obedience to God, even in the face of immense difficulty, Isaac internalized the value of obedience. He witnessed his father’s submission to a higher will and, consequently, learned to emulate that submission in his own life. Isaac learned it by watching you, Abraham, even without a single verbal lesson on the matter. This truth resonates through generations: history repeats itself in our children, mirroring what they observe in us.
This principle extends far beyond religious contexts and into the everyday realities of parenting. Consider the kind of individuals you aspire for your children to become. Reflect on the qualities you hope they will embody as adults, as partners, and as parents themselves. Here’s a challenging truth: if you are not actively living those values yourself, you cannot realistically expect your children to embrace them. This can be a difficult pill to swallow. We sometimes fall into the trap of “do as I say, not as I do,” believing that our words alone will suffice. However, the reality is far different.
Children are perpetual learners, and their primary mode of learning is observation. They are constantly absorbing information from their surroundings, and you, as their parent, are their most influential model. Even when you are not consciously trying to teach them a lesson, they learned it by watching you. Through observation, children are developing their understanding of how to treat a future spouse, how to respect authority figures, and how to navigate the inevitable disappointments and failures of life. They learned it by watching you manage your own emotions, both positive and negative. They learned it by watching you deal with anger and pain, and equally, they learned it by watching you express joy and celebrate successes. Crucially, they learned it by watching you how important faith is in everyday life and how to rely on a higher power for guidance and strength. We cannot realistically expect our children to become individuals we ourselves are not striving to be.
This underscores the profound importance of the verse in John 17:19 for parents: “For their sakes I sanctify Myself.” This verse calls us to self-improvement, not for our own aggrandizement, but for the betterment of our children. As parents, we must ask ourselves: can we commit to personal growth so that our children, in turn, are positively influenced in their own development? What values and behaviors are you inadvertently teaching YOUR children through your daily actions? What are they learning by watching you?
For discussion: Share an example from your own life that illustrates how children learn by watching, rather than just by hearing.
