The journey of raising a child is filled with unexpected turns and profound learning experiences. For Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer at A Call To Men, this journey took on a new dimension when his son, Jalen, came out as gay at the age of 15. While Ted and his wife were accepting and supportive, the experience challenged Ted’s own ingrained beliefs about masculinity and forced him to confront his internalized heterosexism. This article explores Ted’s personal reflections on how his son’s journey helped him deconstruct the harmful aspects of traditional masculinity and embrace a more authentic and inclusive understanding of manhood.
Challenging Societal Norms: A Father’s Internal Struggle
Jalen’s coming out wasn’t a surprise to his parents. However, despite his progressive views, Ted found himself grappling with subtle biases. A seemingly innocuous incident at a nail salon, where Jalen opted for brightly colored nail polish, triggered discomfort in Ted. He realized his reaction stemmed from societal expectations of men and the fear that Jalen would face ridicule. This realization served as a wake-up call, highlighting the deeply ingrained societal conditioning that dictates acceptable male behavior.
Ted Bunch and his son Jalen at a Pride event.
Deconstructing the Man Box: A Critical Examination of Masculinity
Ted’s experience with Jalen led him to further examine the concept of the “Man Box,” a term coined by A Call To Men to describe the restrictive societal norms that define traditional masculinity. These norms often discourage men from expressing vulnerability, seeking help, or deviating from rigid gender roles. Heterosexism, Ted argues, is the cornerstone of the Man Box, reinforcing the idea that anything outside of heterosexual norms is inferior.
“Breaking Out of the Man Box,” a commissioned painting of Jalen.
The Man Box not only limits men’s emotional expression but also perpetuates violence and discrimination against women, girls, and LGBTQ+ individuals. Ted emphasizes the importance of challenging these norms to create a healthier and more equitable society.
Embracing Authenticity: Lessons Learned from a Son
Jalen’s unwavering embrace of his true self has been a powerful lesson for Ted. It has reinforced the importance of valuing authenticity and challenging societal expectations. Ted’s journey alongside Jalen underscores the transformative power of unconditional love and acceptance. It also highlights the ongoing work required to dismantle harmful societal norms and create a world where everyone can freely express themselves without fear of judgment or discrimination.
A Call to Action: Redefining Fatherhood and Manhood
Ted encourages fathers and father figures to reflect on their own internalized biases and how they might be impacting their relationships with young men. He urges them to question the restrictive norms of the Man Box and embrace a more inclusive and authentic definition of manhood. By challenging these norms, we can create a more supportive and equitable environment for all. Ultimately, Ted’s experience demonstrates that a father’s love and acceptance can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and societal change. It’s a testament to the enduring bond between a father and son, and the profound lessons learned when we embrace authenticity and challenge the status quo.
