At LEARNS.EDU.VN, we understand the complexities of self-acceptance and finding peace amidst imperfections. How I Learned To Love encompasses a journey of understanding our flaws and embracing our humanity, even in the face of perceived depravity. Discover how to foster self-compassion, personal growth, and unconditional love.
Table of Contents
- The Legacy of the Lord Pastor
- The Optimistic Orthodoxy
- The Weight of the World
- Embracing Total Depravity
- Total Depravity in Action
- Beyond Community Organizing
- Finding Numbness and Hope
- The Dance Poster
- Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
- Conclusion
1. The Legacy of the Lord Pastor
My great-grandfather, Anthony J. Haverkamp, was a Dutch Reformed minister whose life was steeped in tradition and a strong sense of order. At the pinnacle of his career, he served as senior pastor of First Reformed Church and held a board position at Central College in Pella, Iowa, both esteemed institutions within his denomination. He guided these institutions through challenging times, including the Great Depression and World War II. He was known by his parishioners as Dominie (“Lord Pastor”), a title reflecting his esteemed position and the respect he commanded. He maintained a disciplined lifestyle, always driving a black Buick and abstaining from reading newspapers on Sundays. Even his leisure activities adhered to a strict code, as he would mow his lawn in a suit and tie. While loving, he kept his boundaries, and declined to play catch with his son, because he “couldn’t be that kind of father.”
As he aged, the Dominie softened, replacing his black Buick with a baby blue one upon retirement. He even started receiving the Sunday paper, thanks to his grandson’s paper route. As a widower, he moved in with his son’s family, where he enjoyed playing card games and helping his daughter-in-law with the dishes, showing a more relaxed side. Despite the Dominie’s profound impact on his grandchildren, none of his descendants followed his path in the Dutch Reformed Church. I am the only one who became an ordained minister, and I am an Episcopalian. The lingering effect of our ancestral Calvinism is a strong belief that there is a proper way to approach situations, a superior method to follow. Failing to identify or adhere to this method may result in discreet yet serious judgment, whether from divine sources or from family and friends. We tend to believe, like many others, that worthiness is an apparent, constant, and evident characteristic, a secular version of cultural Calvinism.
2. The Optimistic Orthodoxy
Growing up in a university neighborhood, the prevailing belief was that people are inherently good and that the best life is dedicated to improving the world. The motto of our local churches could easily have been, “The question is not why God allows evil to exist in the world, but why human beings do.” This idea was reinforced through the gentle Pelagianism of my Catholic education and the positive work ethic taught in my Protestant Sunday school classes. Believing we were created in God’s image meant we had the power to transform the world, to be virtuous and joyful individuals who acted morally, serving and loving one another.
We rarely discussed concepts such as sin, atonement, or the crucifixion, likely to avoid controversy with our liberal parents. Consequently, we weren’t taught how to cope with the heavy burden of evil and suffering in the world, or how inadequate our efforts can seem when faced with such challenges.
3. The Weight of the World
As an adult and a Christian, I strive to act responsibly. I constantly evaluate my actions, aiming to minimize harm and maximize positive impact. My mental checklist includes reducing meat consumption, recycling, contacting representatives, decreasing plastic usage, lowering my carbon footprint, addressing racism, donating to charities, and attending community meetings. However, it often feels insufficient. Social media amplifies this feeling, highlighting additional ways I could improve, which leads to feeling more guilty than righteous, struggling to keep up with expectations. As Paul writes, “I can will what is right, but I cannot do it”—at least not consistently or very effectively. No matter what I do or how hard I try to be righteous, the world spins me to my knees at every turn with more evidence of cruelty, catastrophe, and waste.
I find myself theologically unprepared to confront the immense evil in the world. After all, I was taught that humans are capable of stopping it. The doctrine of total depravity has been increasingly captivating for me in recent years.
4. Embracing Total Depravity
Total depravity, the first tenet of the Calvinist acronym “TULIP” (Total depravity, Unconditional election, Limited atonement, Irresistible grace, Perseverance of the saints), offers a stark perspective on human nature. It suggests that humans are inherently flawed, incapable of making choices that are entirely good. Our actions, affections, and thoughts are inevitably tainted by sin.
| Aspect | Traditional View | Total Depravity View |
|---|---|---|
| Human Nature | Basically good | Inherently flawed |
| Moral Choices | Capable of purely good choices | Incapable of choices entirely free from selfishness |
| Source of Good Actions | Human will and effort | God’s grace enabling imperfect but beneficial actions |
| Expectations | Progress towards a perfect world | Acceptance of inherent limitations and moral ambiguities |
| Emotional Response | Frustration with persistent imperfection | Grace in accepting human fallibility |
I find a surprising grace in the stark, uncompromising outlook of my Calvinist heritage. Total depravity speaks to the sin-sized hole in my belly in a way that “all people are basically good” never could. Of course the world is full of evil and suffering. Of course people are unjust and cruel to one another. Of course I feel like a completely inadequate Christian. Of course it’s hard to avoid living as a complicit consumer, pollution enabler, and ineffective activist. Of course I feel paralyzed by despair. It’s because of total depravity.
5. Total Depravity in Action
Total depravity addresses sin in our personal lives. More importantly for me, it also gives theological definition to corporate and societal sins. It’s not just that I am unable to love everyone I meet or to live a life that is plastics-free. I have also found it impossible to untangle my individual life from systems of injustice—institutionalized racism, pollution of the air and land and water, cheap clothing and food supplies that depend on the exploitation of laborers, banks and corporations that bend the economy toward their profit. A contemporary Episcopal prayer of confession includes this line: “We repent of . . . the evil we have done, and the evil done on our behalf.” There is a lot of suffering and a lot of evil in this world, and I find I cannot consider myself entirely innocent of it.
| Systemic Injustice | Personal Complicity |
|---|---|
| Racism | Unconscious biases, benefiting from unequal systems |
| Pollution | Consumption of goods contributing to environmental degradation |
| Labor Exploitation | Purchasing products made with exploited labor |
| Economic Inequality | Participation in economic systems favoring the wealthy |
This perspective acknowledges our interconnectedness with broader systems of injustice, recognizing that we are both agents and products of societal structures.
6. Beyond Community Organizing
Why embrace total depravity rather than simply attending a workshop on community organizing or setting boundaries? The more I approach the salvation of the world as a rational, solvable problem, the more I seem to sink into futility. However, when I expect unreasonable, unremitting human sin, I can face the headwinds of evil without despair. When I believe that human life—including my own—will never be without sin and suffering, I have a greater ability to tolerate pain and horror and to keep on doing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly. I can, as Anne Lamott would say, keep singing “Hallelujah!” and looking for grace anyway.
Here’s a breakdown of why embracing the concept of total depravity can be more helpful than practical solutions like community organizing or setting boundaries:
| Approach | Focus | Goal | Outcome |
|---|---|---|---|
| Community Organizing | External solutions, changing systems | Practical improvements in society | Can lead to frustration when progress is slow or limited |
| Setting Boundaries | Personal well-being, managing relationships | Improved personal life and reduced stress | May not address the larger issues of systemic injustice |
| Embracing Total Depravity | Internal acceptance, understanding human limitations | Resilience and perseverance in the face of overwhelming challenges | Allows for sustained effort without being crippled by disappointment |
7. Finding Numbness and Hope
Could this approach numb me to injustice? It may be that numbness is just what I need in order to crawl out of paralysis. I have taken antianxiety medication. I find total depravity nearly as effective a remedy for crippling anguish. I can shove my shock and despair at human evil into Calvin’s theological Hefty bag and find more room on my soul’s kitchen table to work on hope and a plan.
By acknowledging the pervasive nature of sin and suffering, we can paradoxically find a sense of liberation and renewed purpose. Total depravity provides a framework for understanding the world’s imperfections, enabling us to approach challenges with greater resilience and compassion.
8. The Dance Poster
I have little evidence of my great-grandfather’s theology in his own words, because his son, my grandfather, threw away the box of handwritten sermons he’d carefully filed after his retirement, not imagining there might someday be a great-granddaughter who’d want to read them. It’s likely, however, that he would have believed in the total depravity of humanity and of himself. Not that his ministry was driven primarily by condemnation or fundamentalism. He was a man of rules and order but also of graciousness and humility. He knew human depravity, and he knew human limits.
He certainly had looked them right in the face in his own life. His first call was to a South Dakota farmtown, with a clapboard church that must have groaned and shuddered out in the prairie winds. My grandfather was born there, and my great-grandmother suffered from terrible postpartum depression. She was hospitalized multiple times, which couldn’t have been easy in the 1910s on the northern plains. They left as quickly as they could. After a few years, my great-grandpa took a new call in western Iowa, closer to family.
Years later the Dominie was driving to a meeting with his young adult son (my grandfather and my source for this story) and another clergyman. All of a sudden, the other minister insisted that my great-grandfather pull over to the side of the road, whereupon he jumped out of the car and marched to a nearby telephone pole, ripping down a poster advertising an upcoming dance. (Dancing was not Christian behavior.) The minister crumpled the poster, threw it to the ground, and got back in the car.
For whatever reason, the other minister did not join them for the return trip. So, on the way home, my great-grandfather drove back to that same telephone pole. The Dominie pulled over, got out of the car, and hung that wrinkled dance poster back up. Then he got back in the car, without saying a word to his son, and they drove home.
It’s my favorite story about him. It reminds me that I cannot save the world (or myself) from sin or serve as its judge, jury, or savior. Did my great-grandfather put the dance poster back up because he believed it was wrong, even in the name of correcting sin, to destroy someone else’s property? Was it because he knew his own depravity all too well and believed only Christ could stand as judge? Was it just midwestern politeness? I can’t be sure, but I see him in this story facing a fallen world with humility and integrity—not condemnation, and not despair.
9. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
- What is total depravity? Total depravity is a theological doctrine stating that humans are inherently flawed and incapable of performing actions that are entirely good without God’s grace.
- How does total depravity differ from the belief that people are basically good? Total depravity suggests that humans are fundamentally flawed, whereas the belief that people are basically good assumes inherent goodness with occasional lapses.
- How can embracing total depravity help in dealing with the world’s problems? It can foster resilience and perseverance by lowering expectations and enabling one to face challenges without despair.
- Does total depravity lead to apathy or inaction? No, it can motivate action by providing a realistic framework for understanding the persistence of evil and suffering.
- How does total depravity relate to personal responsibility? It acknowledges personal limitations while emphasizing the need to strive for good, even if perfection is unattainable.
- Can total depravity be reconciled with hope? Yes, by accepting human limitations, one can focus on achievable goals and find grace in small acts of kindness and justice.
- How does total depravity address systemic injustice? It recognizes that systemic issues are rooted in human flaws, prompting efforts to address these issues with humility and realistic expectations.
- What are the main points of the Calvinist acronym “TULIP?” The acronym stands for Total depravity, Unconditional election, Limited atonement, Irresistible grace, and Perseverance of the saints.
- Is total depravity a universally accepted Christian doctrine? No, it is primarily associated with Calvinism and is not universally accepted among all Christian denominations.
- Where can I learn more about total depravity and related theological concepts? LEARNS.EDU.VN offers resources and courses to help you explore these topics further, providing in-depth analysis and diverse perspectives.
10. Conclusion
Embracing the concept of total depravity can lead to a profound sense of liberation and renewed purpose. By acknowledging the inherent flaws and limitations of humanity, we can approach life with greater compassion, humility, and resilience. This understanding allows us to face the world’s challenges without succumbing to despair, and to find grace in the midst of imperfection.
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