It’s heart-wrenching to hear stories, real stories about real people, where fellow Christians, brothers and sisters in faith, end up persecuting those who desperately need love and compassion. It begs the question: where has our understanding gone astray?
We’ve experienced this firsthand in our own family – the piercing pain, the deep wounds of feeling persecuted precisely when we were most vulnerable and in need of support. In moments of unimaginable family suffering, those we naturally expected to lean on, those within our own community, were often the very ones who turned their backs. Worse still, some chose to shun, attack, and isolate us. Why does this happen? It feels like being pelted with stones, making an already cruel world feel even harsher.
I believe many people fail to grasp the profound depths of commitment and challenges that adoptive families navigate, especially for their children. When a tragedy like a child’s suicide occurs, it’s crucial to understand that the family has likely exhausted every possible avenue of help imaginable.
“If only they had sought counseling…” They probably have consulted so many therapists they’ve lost count.
“If only they hadn’t left him alone…” Perhaps constant vigilance was already their reality! Have you ever experienced a situation where leaving your child, or children, unattended, even briefly or in the care of siblings, simply isn’t an option? This is the daily life for many families facing significant challenges.
“Why were there weapons in the home?” Has anyone suggesting this ever been advised by a professional on how to truly suicide-proof a home? Because I have, and the stark reality is, it’s virtually impossible to guarantee.
As another adoptive family confronts the devastating loss of their child, not even a teenager yet, my heart aches reading the father’s words about the “sharp words” from some, undoubtedly fellow Christians. Stop. Just stop. Enough is truly enough.
If you have never walked the path of adoption, for goodness sake, just pause, be silent, pray, and allow those of us who understand these realities in deeply personal ways to offer support and understanding. And if you haven’t adopted but genuinely want to be supportive, express that sincerely. Say, “I want to help, but I don’t know how. How can I best support you?” If your intention is true, it will be felt.
I am weary, deeply weary. Just this week, again, my husband had to filter out ignorant comments from a woman who has voiced the very same uninformed opinions to me directly, even in front of our adopted son. She launches into these uneducated tirades about why they can’t adopt, despite claiming they’d love to. Lord, please prevent that from ever happening. She simply doesn’t possess the necessary understanding or resilience. If financial concerns are her primary worry regarding international adoption, then, as anyone who has navigated that process can confirm, she is fundamentally unprepared for the journey.
She went on and on, endlessly, about the “$30,000 upfront cost” and why it’s so exorbitant. Bear in mind, her husband manages a local fast-food restaurant, and she is a stay-at-home mother to their high-school-aged daughter, who is in school all day, five days a week. Yet, she lamented, “We’ve got to pay off the thousands we spent on Janie’s off-road vehicle for her Christmas gift (who spends thousands on a Christmas gift for a child?!), we have a $500+ monthly payment on my brand-new car, and we just don’t make a fortune like THOSE PEOPLE who adopt all these kids.” The sheer lack of awareness is astounding. And did I mention she was saying this directly to my husband, fully aware that we have “adopted all those kids”?
To my fellow Tennesseans, I offer a preemptive apology, but if there ever was a person who embodies the stereotype some hold of a Tennessean, this woman is it. I could elaborate, but to protect her anonymity, I will refrain. My core point is this: no one would make such insensitive judgments about a biological child in similar circumstances. It simply doesn’t happen. Yet, when adoption is involved, all filters seem to vanish.
To the adoptive family grappling with the unimaginable grief of their pre-teen son’s suicide this week, my heart breaks for you. And to those who would dare to persecute them amidst such profound pain, grief, and loss, shame on you. You will be held accountable for your actions, without a doubt. And to those who persecuted our adopted son, you too will face the consequences. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, and His Word provides clear instructions on how to practice ministry.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21)
This passage from Romans offers a profound lesson in empathy and action. It’s a call to Leap Into Learning – learning to understand, learning to support, and learning to love without judgment. Let’s choose compassion over condemnation and become a source of strength for those navigating the complexities of adoption and loss.
