Becoming a parent for the first time is often accompanied by a mix of excitement and anxiety. The weight of responsibility for nurturing a child’s physical, intellectual, social, and spiritual growth can feel immense. New parents often seek advice, searching for the most crucial piece of wisdom to guide them on this journey. When faced with the question, “What’s the most important thing I need to know as a parent?” many might consider practical tips like diaper changes or managing sibling rivalry. However, the most profound and impactful advice goes beyond mere techniques and delves into the very essence of parenthood: children learn from watching you.
This fundamental truth can be summarized simply: history repeats itself. For the most part, who you are as a person will significantly shape who your children become. It’s the age-old principle of “monkey-see, monkey-do” playing out in the context of family and upbringing. This concept is powerfully illustrated in the biblical narrative of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22. God tests Abraham’s faith by asking him to sacrifice his beloved son, Isaac. Abraham, demonstrating unwavering obedience, prepares to fulfill this heartbreaking command.
“Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.”
2Then He said, “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”
3So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son…”
A crucial question arises when considering this passage: why did Isaac willingly go with his father? Abraham was well over 100 years old at this point, while Isaac was a young man in his prime. Physically, Isaac could have easily resisted or escaped. Yet, he didn’t. He accepted being bound and placed on the altar, ready for sacrifice. Why?
The answer lies in the powerful lesson of Learned It From Watching You. Isaac learned obedience from his father, not through lectures or sermons, but by observing Abraham’s actions. He witnessed his father’s unwavering obedience to God, even when faced with an unimaginable request. By seeing Abraham submit his will to God’s will, Isaac internalized this principle and applied it to his own life. Isaac learned it from watching you, even without a single explicit lesson on obedience being verbally taught. History, indeed, repeats itself in our children.
Alt text: Father and son are walking in a park, showcasing the bond and learning environment through observation.
This principle holds true for all parents. Consider the qualities you hope to see in your children as they grow into adulthood and become parents themselves. If you desire them to be kind, compassionate, responsible, or faithful, you must embody these traits yourself. It’s a challenging truth to accept: we cannot realistically expect our children to become someone we are unwilling to be ourselves. The common saying “do as I say, not as I do” simply doesn’t hold water in the realm of parenting.
Children are, by nature, keen observers and learners. They are perpetually learning it from watching you, even when you are unaware of their observation. Through your daily actions, they are absorbing crucial life lessons. They are learning it from watching you how to treat a spouse or partner, how to respect authority, and how to navigate setbacks and disappointments. They are learning it from watching you how to manage anger and sadness, and how to express joy and celebrate successes. Perhaps most importantly, your children are learning it from watching you how significant faith and spirituality are in life and how to cultivate their own relationship with the divine. We cannot expect our children to embody virtues and values that we do not actively demonstrate in our own lives.
This underscores the profound significance of John 17:19 for parents: “For their sakes I sanctify Myself.” As parents, we are called to self-improvement, not just for our own benefit but for the sake of our children. By striving to be better versions of ourselves, we directly contribute to the positive development of our children. What are you teaching your children through your actions? What are they learning it from watching you each day?
For reflection: Can you recall a specific instance from your own life where you witnessed children learning by observing actions rather than just listening to words?
