Recently, a casual remark from a colleague equating "gay" with "stupid" underscored a concerning trend in our society. This incident highlighted a crucial gap between espousing acceptance and genuinely embodying it, particularly for those of us in education. It served as a stark reminder of the necessity to actively model inclusive attitudes and behaviors, moving beyond mere tolerance to fostering true understanding in our classrooms and beyond. Recognizing the importance of addressing such moments constructively, I knew I needed to engage in a dialogue.
Context, I’ve learned, is paramount when initiating sensitive conversations. Past missteps taught me that an unproductive exchange often stems from a failure to consider the setting and the relationship dynamics. In this instance, speaking with a peer in an informal environment allowed for a more open and less confrontational approach. Opting for an educational strategy, I aimed to illuminate the potential harm embedded in seemingly casual language.
"We work with students, some of whom may already identify as LGBTQ+," I began, carefully choosing my words. "Using ‘gay’ to mean ‘stupid’ can be incredibly invalidating. It essentially tells them that their identity is inherently negative or foolish."
My coworker responded with a shrug, reiterating the common, yet insufficient, defense of "it’s just culture."
Maintaining a calm and measured tone, I continued, "When students use that word in my presence, I make it a point to explore their understanding of its meaning. More importantly, I consistently ask them to learn and use alternative vocabulary."
"And how effective is that?" my colleague inquired, posing a valid question.
Indeed, the effectiveness fluctuates. Encouraging students to discover different ways to express themselves is a continuous process. The phrase "choose another word," adopted from a past colleague, remains a challenging directive even for adults. With students, the inherent power dynamic simplifies implementation in the immediate setting. However, this dynamic also presents a limitation. While students may learn to avoid certain words around authority figures, it doesn’t guarantee a deeper comprehension of why thoughtful word choice is essential. Simply asking for an alternative isn’t enough; we must actively teach them how and why to acquire and utilize more appropriate language.
I recall a student who frequently declared herself "retarded" when faced with challenging tasks. "I can say it because I am," she asserted, referencing her special education classification.
While reclaiming language can be empowering, in this young elementary student’s case, it felt more like an acceptance of a limiting label imposed by others, a self-handicapping mechanism to avoid pushing her boundaries. Therefore, beyond repeatedly requesting she find a different descriptor for herself and others, I began highlighting her accomplishments. I pointed out her talents in crafting tissue paper flowers, crocheting, mastering the hula hoop, and inventing games that captivated her peers. I also initiated conversations about her understanding of the word and the reasons behind my request for her to develop a more positive vocabulary. When met with resistance, I patiently explained my rationale.
Over approximately two months, she gradually ceased using the r-word to describe herself. Remarkably, her peers in the program followed suit, at least during program hours. We engaged in community discussions about the significance of mutual support and encouragement versus negativity. We explored the essence of friendship, both in having and being a good friend. Daily, we reflected on actions taken to positively impact someone else’s day.
Summarizing this multifaceted approach for my coworker, I simply stated, "For the most part, it’s effective. It’s a clear expectation I set, and my students understand that."
"I address it with my students too," my coworker acknowledged. "But it’s so ingrained, you know?"
"Absolutely," I concurred. "Yet, we can still hold students accountable for their linguistic choices. We can actively challenge the bullying that is often inherent in name-calling."
Throughout our conversation, I consciously selected my words, aiming to foster an ongoing dialogue. There are numerous avenues to speak up against harmful language. While direct confrontation can sometimes trigger defensiveness, framing the discussion around our shared responsibility in guiding students towards better communication served as a gentle reminder of the impact words wield. By encouraging the exploration of other words, we empower not only our students but also our colleagues to cultivate a more respectful and inclusive environment.
