A few days ago, a coworker casually used the word “gay” to mean “stupid.” This moment highlighted a critical challenge educators face: how to model inclusive language and address harmful words effectively in schools. Simply telling students to “be accepting” isn’t enough; we need to actively teach them other words for expressing themselves respectfully and constructively.
In that informal setting with my peer, I recognized a chance to educate rather than confront. Recalling past missteps where direct confrontation led to defensiveness, I opted for a more conversational approach.
“We work with students, some of whom may identify as LGBTQ+,” I began. “Using ‘gay’ to mean ‘stupid’ can make them feel that their identity is inherently negative.”
My coworker responded with a shrug, vaguely referencing “culture.” It’s a common deflection, highlighting how ingrained these harmful language habits are.
Maintaining a calm tone, I shared my strategy: “When students use such words, I ask them what they mean. Then, crucially, I always ask them to choose another word.”
“How effective is that?” my coworker questioned. It’s a valid point. Just demanding a word change isn’t always sufficient. While “choose another word” is a technique I adopted from a colleague, it can be challenging even with adults. With students, the power dynamic makes compliance easier, but it risks being superficial. We might stop the word in our presence without truly changing their understanding or behavior. The real work lies in teaching students why and how to select better words, providing them with a vocabulary of other words for expressing themselves.
One student repeatedly told me she couldn’t complete tasks because she was “retarded,” even using her special education status as justification. “I can say it, because that’s what I am,” she’d argue.
While reclaiming labels can be empowering in some contexts, in this elementary student’s case, it seemed like an acceptance of a limiting label, hindering her from challenging herself. So, beyond asking her to “choose another word,” I started highlighting her strengths: her creativity with crafts, her crocheting skills, her leadership in games. I also engaged her in conversation, asking what the word meant to her and explaining why I wanted her to use different language. I made sure to articulate my reasoning when she asked “why?”.
Over two months, she stopped using that slur to describe herself. And the positive ripple effect extended to her peers. Within our program, slurs diminished significantly, at least during program hours. We initiated community meetings focused on building each other up, not tearing down. We discussed the meaning of friendship, both giving and receiving support. Daily, we encouraged students to reflect on actions they took to improve someone else’s day.
Summarizing this for my coworker, I simply stated, “Mostly, it works. It’s an expectation my students understand.”
“I address it with my students too,” my coworker replied. “It’s just so deeply ingrained, you know?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed. “But we can still hold students accountable for their language. We can actively combat the bullying embedded in name-calling.”
In this conversation, careful word choice was key, leaving the door open for further dialogue. There are many ways to speak up, and past experiences taught me that directly calling people out can trigger defensiveness. Framing the conversation around student well-being and effective teaching helped my coworker consider the impact of language. By focusing on choosing other words, I aimed to share practical strategies for fostering a more inclusive and respectful environment for our students.
It’s not just about censorship; it’s about education. Teaching students other words for their feelings, for describing situations, and for interacting with each other is crucial for developing their emotional intelligence and social skills. When we equip students with a richer vocabulary, we empower them to communicate effectively and respectfully, building a more positive and inclusive school community. This goes beyond simply reacting to slurs; it’s about proactively shaping a language environment where respect and empathy are the norm.
